I recently saw a movie titled "The War
Room", a very good movie, if I do say so myself. The movie was all about
talking to God about our marital travails rather than nagging and complaining
about our spouse. Teaching us the importance of talking to God in prayer first
instead of trying to fix it our own way. My favourite part though was the
bit about an elder woman who kept a wall of remembrance (an idea from the wall
of remembrance built and filled with names of fallen comrades so that their
family members and loved ones can remember them and their service to the
country) to stay grateful for all the things God had done for her and when we
think about this deeply, this should be applicable in human relationships.
I'm aware that been petty is peculiar to the
women folk and as an honorary member of the complaints and nagging committee, I
have long come to terms with the fact that a woman in Lagos is
no better at dishing out the cold hard cuisine of judgement and labelling than
a woman in Abuja will (lol). On a serious note tho, that is the default
response of women to issues.
I cringe now when I think about ladies who
never give their boyfriends a break, who would rather complain about all the
little things he did wrong rather than appreciate all the amazing things he has
done right.
A friend once complained about how her
boyfriend fails to pick her up daily after work as she sees other colleagues
enjoy a ride back home with whoever they were seeing. I was bemused, as the
boyfriend in question works at a firm in Victoria Island while her office is at Ikotun and I
really wondered if she had an ounce of pity for the poor guy, the traffic
issues he had to face in Lagos and of course the distance he had to cover daily
just to satisfy this selfish new whim of hers. Then she continued with her
complaints saying “Deji is not even romantic, he says I’m inconsiderate and
that I have I been complaining about that one little thing he hasn’t been able
to do right and how I forget all the other countless things he does for me.”
That was when I realized the importance of
the Wall of Remembrance the
elder woman in the movie spoke about, it serves as a reminder of the good
things other people have done for you. I know the idea sounds cheesy to say the
least but serves as reminder of good deeds and good days.
You get to appreciate the thoughtfulness
of your spouse when he stopped by on his way from work to get you take-outs for
dinner so you don’t have to cook, days when he makes you breakfast just because
he thinks you should rest.
Instead of whining and complaining about your
spouse’s inability to get you the finer things in life or take you to luxury
hotels like Four
Points or Oriental
Hotel like your friends, appreciate his efforts even when all he can afford
to spare is just enough for a budget hotel in
town.
This serves as a reminder of your spouse’s
strength whenever they go out of course. It reminds you to temper justice with
mercy even when they err and all you can think of is digging out past mistakes
just to make a point. Even when it’s killing you to be in the right and you
feel the strong need to appoint yourself Jury and Judge, it reminds you of all
the sweet things the other person has done which pales in comparison to the
crime.
You can create cute sticky notes with thoughtful
things the other person has done on your vanity mirrors or keep a go-to journal
that reminds you of all the things you should be thankful for.
Always remember this “Never let the things you want, make you forget the
things you have”.
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